Bad Moms

[With apologies, this review is just for all the moms out there.]

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Why is it relevant?

Themes of separation and divorce / adultery / empowerment / life journey / “midlife” crisis / self realization / finding oneself / feel good comedy

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You’re Amy Mitchell.  I’m Amy Mitchell.  We are all living Amy Mitchell lives.  We work hard everyday and are underappreciated and underpaid at our jobs.  We are struggling with our children, spending all our free time ferrying them between school and sports and enriching activities.  We prepare balanced, nutritious meals.  We keep meticulous houses.  We often deal with zoned out spouses who don’t carry a fair load of the responsibilities at home.  We don’t spend enough time taking care of ourselves.  And worst of all, we endure all this under intense judgement from our peers, other moms. 

Amy Mitchell takes a stand and says “Enough”.  And its time that you do too. 

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Can You Really Have It All?

We meet Amy just when her life begins to fall apart.  She is treading water with her busy schedule.  She is working far more hours than she is supposed to, pulling a full time job on a part-time wage. She does her kids homework and is frustrated with juggling to meet the parenting needs of one child who is a Type A achiever and another who is a slacker.  She cooks perfect meals that no one seems to notice.  She fits in one exercise class a week as her “me time” and gets no real joy or benefit from it.  She married when she was twenty and has a spouse who has not really grown up alongside her. 

She feels growing resentment in particular to Gwendolyn, the Head of the schools PTA.  An affluent, overbearing, judgmental perfectionist, who has mastered the art of passive aggressively bullying the other moms and even the staff of the school to her bidding.

Amy catches her husband participating in an “online activity” with another woman and he admits that it has been going on for 10 months.  Hurt, she kicks him out.

The next day is her breaking point.  Everything that could go wrong goes wrong.  Mishap and disaster pile up upon each other.  Finally, after arriving late for a PTA meeting, Gwendolyn attempts to recruit Amy to help police and enforce the overly strict rules of the upcoming bake sale, Amy does the one thing that not one other person has dared to do before.  She says “no”.  

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

This sets off a rash of sensibly standing up herself.  She insists her kids make their own breakfasts and do their own homework.  She starts pulling in just the hours she has to at work.  She shows up at the bakesale with store-bought donut holes.  She befriends two other misfit mothers, Kiki, a frazzled, sweater set wearing mom with four young children and a domineering husband, and Carla a wild, oversharing, libidinous single mom.  Most importantly, Amy begins to loose up and live a bit of the life she missed out on because she married and had children so young. 

Her clashes with Gwendolyn and her ex lead her to attempt to run for the PTA and into the arms of someone new.  The road to her new self is rocky and difficult, not just for herself but for everyone around her.  But it is a journey that she must take and in the end a correct one for her.  She emerges empowered enough to express herself and her needs and to earn the respect of those around her to live her life on her own terms. 

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The takeaway from this movie is not just that mothers feel enormous pressure from those around them to do everything and be everything – the worst pressure actually comes from within.  We need to give ourselves a break and once we do that, it becomes easier to demand that others give us a break as well.  Not only can we be overly critical of ourselves, but we often project that criticism onto other Mom’s and perpetuate a cycle of stress and dissatisfaction.  We need to stop and recognized that everyone is experiencing their own difficult journeys, sometimes alone, frequently in silence. 

So please DO:

• Make a friend like Carla
• Give yourself a break
• Stop trying to do everything
• Give another mom who may seem lonely a hug or a positive statement
• Buy yourself a pretty bra
• Get out there and find someone nice to show that bra to
• Drink some cheap wine with a friend
• Bring store bought goods to the bake sale
• HAVE FUN

Please STOP:

• Doing your kid’s homework (Seriously, you did your time, why are you repeating it?)
• Being critical to yourself – it is true when they say you are your own worst enemy
• Being critical to others – no one is the perfect mother, we’re all trying our best to get through this the best way we can
• Crying alone in your car.  I did it, a sacred haven where the kids couldn’t see.  I bet you have too.  Find someone to talk to
• Allowing yourself to be bullied, or worse, controlled – life is short, no one has to put up with another’s inability to sort their own issues
• Wasting your time on what you should do if it doesn’t bring you joy.  I’m not talking chores here, we still gotta do those.  But an exercise class, language class or other activity that is making you miserable can easily be replaced with something you like better
• Being the work martyr.  If you are pulling in hours that no one else is doing, step away from the desk and run.  Your kids and your life need you more.

Mila Kunis is highly empathetic as an overworked, frazzled mom.  Kathryn Hahn is a barrel of outrageous laughs.  Kristen Bell plays the huggable Kiki, who starts out so meek and quiet and awesomely finds her voice in the end and pulls it together.  The two moms I related to the most were Amy and Kiki; they both reflected much of my own personal experiences.  You’ll need Kleenex for the interviews with the actresses and their real life mothers during the final credits. 

Surprisingly, this movie was written by men. 

Who would enjoy this movie?

Let’s face It – this movie is for moms.  Of course if you’re wondering what you're missing if you’re not a mother, you may enjoy it. There is considerable swearing and references to drugs and alcohol and sex, so not the best kiddie movie.  This is one for you and your mom friends and a big pitcher of sangria.

Healing Factor:

Five out of Five Donut Holes.

Bad Moms

Bad Moms, 2016. Directed by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore.  Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, Kristen Bell, Christina Applegate

For more info on the movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4651520/