Hello, My Name is Doris

Why is it relevant?

Rediscovery - reinvention - starting life over - sudden change - late in life change -

falling in love again - finding yourself

***

It can be very easy to get lost when your world revolves around another person.  Days become weeks, weeks become years, years become decades and before you know it, a lifetime has passed you by in the blink of an eye.  Whether you have spent a significant amount of time carrying for a loved one or trapped in a stagnant marriage, being set free by a sudden death or divorce can set you adrift, lost and unsure of who you are or what you are supposed to do.

Such is the case with our protagonist, Doris.  Doris abandoned a potential marriage in her youth in order to spend decades caring for an ill mother. And this caretaker role was so consuming that everything else in her life continued to be put on the backburner. She has stood still for decades while the world has passed her by.  She is one of the longest serving employees in her company, surviving an acquisition that saw others let go.  Her home becomes buried under the increased possessions of herself and her mother.  She continues to wear the same style of clothes that would have been fashionable in her youth. 

The movie opens after the death of her mother, during her funeral and wake.  Shortly after, Doris attends a self-help seminar with her friends with the usual shiny white toothed guru spewing tired, reworded mantras.  Doris is open and receptive to the charm and messages.  She begins to tentatively open her eyes to all the possibilities that life has to offer.

By all respects Doris has earned her freedom, earned her right to live her life to the fullest, but she has been stuck in a rut.  It’s the same old house, same old routines, same old friend, same old job.  There is a huge void in her life that she does not know how to fill.  Her life has been so devoted to the care of her mother that she has forgotten who she is and she’s unsure just how to make change happen for herself.

Doris’ salvation and awakening is spurred by the entrance of the much younger, ever-so-dapper, charming and confident John.  From the very moment they first meet on a crowded elevator, Doris is a giddy, clumsy, school girl. She fantasizes about their encounters, informed by the romance novels she enjoys, to imagine herself in all sorts of racy and exotic scenarios with him.  Her fantasy life gets the better of her and, with the help of her best friend’s social media savvy granddaughter, she creates a fake media account to get to know him better.  Of course this cyberstalking, while successful at first, leads her down the road of painfully awkward interactions with the man of her dreams. 

She manages to plant herself in social situations that increase her chances of running into him, opening herself up to a life and all the possibilities that she was denied over her lifetime. She attends rock concerts, considers new restaurants, gets the opportunity to model, attends parties.  She opens up more at work and gets to know her coworkers better.  Change is not slow for Doris and she experiences all of the expected growing pains, including alienating herself from lifelong friends and clashing with her remaining family.

Her consuming love and obsession with John culminates in a horribly cringe-worthy object lesson.  Maybe led on by all the romance novels that she has read over her lifetime or just her inexperience in dealing romantically with the ultimate sex causes her to misread John’s overtures of friendship as something more and her growing obsession leads to blinding jealousy that causes her to behave in an inappropriate manner.  The fantasy comes crashing down around her and it causes her to grow up. 

This newfound maturity brings change.  She finally sees the necessity to abandon the life she had been living before her mother’s death.  It had been a prison to which she continued to voluntarily commit herself.  She begins to slowly let go of the traps of her past.  She embraces her new life and re-establishes the lost connections of friends that she lost in the process of rediscovering herself.  She quits the miserable job and agrees to move to a new fresh start. 

It can be very difficult to see but this type of profound loss, whether from death or divorce, can be a gift, especially when you have been consumed and lost into that relationship.  If your life has been put on hold in caring for another or if you have lost the person you used to be while deep within the confines of a long term marriage, you have the opportunity to revisit who you were or to reinvent yourself. The freedom to spread your wings is the invitation to embrace not only the changes that have been thrust upon you but to also shake up other avenues of your life that have been long stagnant or unexplored.

I’m pretty sure that actually stalking someone is not the best approach, let’s start our new lives without criminal records.  But certainly get out there and make some new friendships, especially with people who are radically different from you.  You may be pleasantly surprised where some of those friendships take you.  Quitting your job might also not be the best solution, especially if you are close to retirement anyways; at least do not burn bridges while you do it.  If you can afford a career change or retirement, go for it, but even if you quit, keep those connections to your old career tidy and keep your pension/retirement funds secure.  Want to shake up your closet?  Go for it!  Want to try new foods?  Yum!  Want to check out a concert geared towards the younger generation?  You’ll be surprised how many other older folks may be there.  Take that trip you’ve always imagined doing?  Book your tickets! Do what intrigues you, but do it with a sensible head on your shoulders.  Please do stay away from self-help seminars though; back away from the tacky inspirational sayings and low budget DVDs.  Spend your hard earned dollars on life instead!

One issue that I found a little odd in the movie was the insistence that Doris was a “Hoarder” and that her home was “disgusting”.  Yes, Doris and her mother liked to collect things, and certainly most surfaces were covered in clutter, but I’m not sure that she really met the full definition of “hoarder”.  You could easily move about in her place, cook food, eat and relax.  She most definitely liked to give previously loved items a new home, and she did use the help of personal declutter/counsellor to help her to dispose and sort out the belongs that she had but I’m feeling that the movies definition and reality are two far removed things. 

Overall, this movie is cute and funny.  Sally Field carries the awkward and dorky Doris well, creating a relatable character that could otherwise be a little creepy or sad.  There are a lot of reasons to pity Doris, but it is a fun ride to watch her develop as a person and come into her own.  Tyne Daly shines as Doris’ curmudgeonly best friend, Roz.  There chemistry between Doris and John is very strong and believable.

Who would relate to this movie? 

Caretakers, older divorcees, divorcees after long term marriages, working women, introverts.

***

Healing Factor:

Three out of Four Hair Bows

Hello, My Name is Doris, 2015.  Directed by Michael Showalter.  Starring Sally Field, Max Greenfield, Tyne Daly, Wendy Anne McLendon.

Hello, My Name is Doris Trailer